Our mission is to serve those touched by the death of a baby through pregnancy loss, stillbirth, or in the first few months of life. Our purpose is to provide support toward healing at the time of or following the death of a baby. We provide education and resources on the needs and rights of bereaved parents and siblings. We strive to set a standard of perinatal bereavement care through a lifetime of support, hope and healing-one family at a time. For support, please contact us at 801-272-5355.
by Adam Green | May 28, 2016 Anakin Skywalker, Mohammad Ali, General Eisenhower, Buddha and Tarzan. Although these men are an unlikely starting-five in any All-Star Game, each of these notable characters represents a breadth of influence and certain success. Let me explain why you should care. I would propose to you that right now each of these five individuals carry part-of-a ‘tune’ that could create a ‘healing melody’ for your life.
–What would you think if I told you that this ‘Motley Crew’ does have something new to offer you?
OBJECTIVE: My goal with this blog post is to help you see a different perspective. It is my hypothesis that by leading you through certain aspects of these five men’s lives, you will see your own reflection and realize some ‘stuff’ that perhaps you have forgotten about. Furthermore, I am not going to identify everything that I found preparing this blog post because I feel that by allowing you to discover the hidden gems in this blog post … it will actually make a bigger impact on your life. If you search … you will find. We all find what we are looking for. Let’s get started!! The accomplishments of these five men should make you want to pay attention to the possibilities forthcoming …
~ Anakin Skywalker:
‘Family’ is a strong and recurring theme in Star Wars. The Star Wars story begins with a fatherless young boy named Anakin Skywalker. Anakin makes a brave yet difficult decision to leave his mother behind on their home planet in order to more fully develop his unique, supernatural talents under the tutelage of the Jedi Knights. According to legend, for over a thousand generations, the Jedi were the guardians of peace and justice in the universe. Young Anakin’s goal was to study the Jedi Knight beliefs and practices (on another planet) with the ultimate goal of not only becoming a Jedi Knight … but to become the most powerful of all the Jedi.
‘The Force’ is what gives a Jedi his power. It’s an ‘energy field’ created by all living things. The Force surrounds us and penetrates us; it binds the galaxy together. ―Obi-Wan Kenobi— Listen
Tragically, Anakin’s inability to control his carnal desires and emotions (i.e. specifically his anger) lead him down multiple unfortunate paths that placed him in a position where his thoughts, opinions and actions directly conflicted with the tenets of the Jedi Order. Gradually, Anakin, the once heroic Jedi Knight, becomes seduced by evil (i.e. the dark side of the Force) and Anakin morphs into the misdirected villain, Darth Vader. Darth Vader then leads a war to eradicate the Jedi Order and chaos ensues.
In a twist of fate, although Anakin does not know the destiny of his children until after he becomes Darth Vader, he eventually finds out the truth about his children (Luke and Leah). In the end, Darth Vader’s fatherly love for his son ultimately: (1) Helps tear-down the evil Empire he helped build, (2) Brings balance to the universe and (3) Re-establishes the unbreakable healing powers of the unconditional loving-bond between a father and a son.
The Takeaway: Despite many bad life decisions, the love shared between a father and child can change direction; can change circumstances; can change everything. Fathers, the love you have for your child can inspire you to do things differently and better … especially if you have enough courage and if you allow the love for your child (and their love for you) to ignite change.
I miss my boys William Hopkins and Maximus Paul Green. I think about them every blessed day since Melannie and I found out they were coming to us (2006). It is my belief that I will see my sons again somehow, someway, someday. Truthfully, I feel they are near me. I do not think they are ‘lost’ nor do I feel they are ‘alone.’ To me, they are ‘safe.’ I also feel we know each other well. They seem to influence my life at very random, yet clear, times in the most beautiful of ways. I also believe they chose me as their father. These things bring me comfort. This perspective also influences my business and personal decisions as well as the time I spend with my other kids: Bryston (22), Taryn (20), Elliot (17), Daphne (7 – rainbow baby #1) and Victoria (3 – rainbow baby #2).
After a particularly hard work-out while Mohammed Ali was training to regain his boxing Championship Title in “The Rumble in the Jungle (circa 1974), Ali was asked by a reporter, “Champ, do you like training?” His response was solid: “I hate every minute of training, but I say to myself: Don’t Quit – Suffer Now – Live the rest of your life as a champion.”
When my boys died, I broke emotionally, physically and spiritually; and I broke down again and again and again. The main lesson I now understand from this continual, repeating cycle-of-pain is that the only thing I can do … is to try my best at each and every moment. Sometimes I can only give 40% of my best while on other occasions I may be able to reach 100% of my best effort in order to make a difference.
The Takeaway: As father’s, we cannot worry about the things we cannot control. Not much comes easy any more. However, we have to keep going. We must push through. We have to hustle on. Gentlemen, we must live the rest of our lives as a champion (Father). Like you miss your child, I too yearn for my boys. Not being able to play ball with them or do other father-son activities is hard. Those goals and dreams did not work out for us and that pain is always there IF I want to go there. However, I’ve learned that doing other things with Melannie and my other kids makes me feel closer to my boys (somehow). I don’t get how that all works, but I do feel it is that way.
General Dwight Eisenhower once said that,
“In preparing for battle, I have always found that plans are useless, but planning is indispensable.”
What General Eisenhower means here is that ‘stuff happens’ and that the best laid plans will always change because life’s flow is a mystery and circumstances are always dynamic. The course of a well-thought-out plan will diverge. Now, Eisenhower is not saying: “Don’t Plan,” nor is he saying: “Plans Don’t Work.” He is simply pointing out the obvious that most of the situations we face in life have unknown detours and uncontrollable outcomes. A good father does not shy away from bad news. On the contrary, a good father stares into the abyss and brings insights back from beyond, never confusing persistence with blind stubbornness.
The Takeaway: Life is hard. Change will always happen. You can handle it. Fathers are people with all the same biases, irrational tendencies and emotional attachments as others. Father’s, you should focus on the few essential things that you can actually make a difference with and accept the fact that you can only do your best … and that your best will be better on some days than it is on others.
“Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional,” – Buddha. Does that mean that you must suffer every single moment? Absolutely not; but make no mistake about it, to get from where you are on your journey through life, to where you want to be, you are going to suffer. The death of your child has been tremendously difficult. The pain is real and sometimes pain knows how to hide well. However, to get what you’ve never gotten before you must do what you’ve never done before. And doing what you’ve never done before often is somewhere between uncomfortable and downright painful.
The Takeaway: Consider a Marathon. There is suffering on the last few miles of a marathon, but the sense of accomplishment at the finish line makes it all worthwhile. In our instant-gratification society, we need to remember that running a family with your spouse is a marathon; it’s not a sprint. There will be suffering during the various ‘mile markers’ (or phases of your family) but you need to remember that suffering makes you stronger. You can find your way.
I discovered something interesting this week while watching the opening scene of this 1999 Disney movie. The first three minutes of the animated film, Tarzan, reminded me of a perspective that I needed to rediscover. I had forgotten the foundation of this film and once I rediscovered that, it genuinely gave me a new path to new hope. https://youtu.be/x3u1_181N7g (1st Scene in Tarzan, 3:20).
What I realized is that there was a perspective that I had forgotten: the perspective that I missed was that of the child who was left without his parents (and not vice versa). ~ Phil Collins, Two Worlds, LINK (Click Here)
Put your faith in what you most believe –
Trust your heart – Let fate decide
Softly tread on the sand below your feet
Raise your head up – Lift high the load
Take strength from those that need you –
A new life is waiting
No words describe a parents tears –
No words can heal a broken heart
A dream is gone, but where there’s hope –
Somewhere, something is calling for you
The Takeaway: Allow yourself to feel joy. Allow yourself to feel your child’s love. Trust your heart. There are people in your life that want to help you and there are people around you that need your help as well. Let go of the things that are holding you back and fly. Soar.
CONCLUSION: It might appear on the surface that a side-tracked Sith Lord, “The Greatest” Boxer, a 5-Star General, a mighty Sage and a hollering Cartoon Character definitely do not have anything new to offer you. You could argue that they have nothing personal to offer you at all. Perhaps the skeptics are correct: There’s nothing that could potentially alter your course in life and teach your eyes to see with a different vision. Or is there? Someone is cheering for you. Did you get the message? It is you who must decide when to start training yourself anew. You ready?
I came to Earth so others could look inside themselves
To see what they are made of – not what I AM made of.
I was given keys to unlock hearts and open doors
However, it is you who has to use them.
Now that you know who I AM – Show me who you are.
When parents have a child die, no matter the age, they need comfort. Besides looking for support in each other and through family and friends, parents also find comfort by reading. Poems have a way of lifting someone’s spirits, allowing the individual to connect with what has been written. While the words may be difficult to read at times, they typically help the mourner connect with what is written. Certain poems bring comfort because it allows the parent to feel that their baby is at peace. LINK #2 (Click Here)
In the case of a child’s death, poems allow parents to read exactly what they are feeling, including: Feeling Overwhelmed, Sadness, Anger, Discouragement, Bitterness, Resentment, Despair, Disappointment and/or Shame. These feelings are normal and coincide with what is felt when going through ‘the Stages of Grief.’ By going through these emotions, one can find resolution and many times poetry can help. LINK #3(Click Here)
Come stop your crying, It will be alright – Just take my hand,
Hold it tight – I will protect you – From all around you –
I will be here – Don’t you cry
For one so small, You seem so strong
My arms will hold you, Keep you safe and warm
This bond between us – Can’t be broken – I will be here –
Don’t you cry – ‘Cause you’ll be in my heart –
Yes, you’ll be in my heart – From this day on –
Now and forever more
Please join us in June for "DADS AND DONUTS" and a very special workshop! The activities will be geared especially for Dad's and these two evenings will be like nothing you've ever experienced with our Support Meetings! Space is limited and we will accept the first TEN (10) Father's/Couples per night. Please RSVP to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Father's Feel Too w/Melannie & Carma
with special guest Dr. Jake Andreason
Wednesday, June 8, 2016
South Jordan Library
Father's Feel Too w/Heidi & Stacey
with special guest Dr. Jake Andreason
Tuesday, June 28, 2016
Jordan Valley Hospital