Friday, November 11, 2016

Let Love Light the Way this Holiday Season

Holidays are clearly some of the roughest terrain we navigate after a loss. The ways we handle them are as individual as we are. There are a number of ways to incorporate your loved one and your loss into the holidays. 

As there are many ways to cope with grief during the holidays, these are some ideas that you may find helpful.  

Have a Plan A/Plan B – Plan A is you go to the Thanksgiving, Christmas Day or Christmas Eve dinner with family and friends. If it doesn’t feel right, have your plan B ready. Plan B may be a movie you both liked or a photo album to look through or a special place you went to together. Many people find that when they have Plan B in place, just knowing it is there is enough.
Cancel the Holiday all together. Yes, you can cancel the Holiday. If you are going through the motions and feeling nothing, cancel them. Take a year off. They will come around again. For others, staying involved with the Holidays is a symbol of life continuing. Let the Holiday routine give you a framework during these tough times.
Try the Holidays in a new way. Grief has a unique way of giving us the permission to really evaluate what parts of the Holidays you enjoy and what parts you don’t. Remember, there is no right or wrong way to handle the Holidays in grief. You have to decide what is right for you and do it. You have every right to change your mind, even a few times. Friends and family members may not have a clue how to help you through the Holidays and you may not either.
It is very natural to feel you may never enjoy the Holidays again. They will certainly never be the same as they were. However, in time, most people are able to find meaning again in the traditions as a new form of the Holiday Spirit grows inside of them. Even without grief, our friends and relatives often think they know how our Holidays should look, what “the family” should and shouldn’t do.
Do's and Don'ts  
  • Do be gentle with yourself and protect yourself.
  • Don’t do more than you want, and don’t do anything that does not serve your soul and your loss.
  • Do allow time for the feelings.
  • Don’t keep feelings bottled up. If you have 500 tears to cry don’t stop at 250.
  • Do allow others to help. We all need help at certain times in our lives.
  • Don’t ask if you can help or should help a friend in grief. Just help. Find ways; invite them to group events or just out for dinner.
  • Do, in grief, pay extra attention to the children. Children are too often the forgotten grievers.
  •  (

You have the opportunity to share your baby's name at the Festival of Trees. The volunteers of Share Parents of Utah have created personalized ornaments that you may purchase in your baby's honor. Each ornament is $15 and you may buy ornaments for your home and/or the Festival of Trees.  We will continue to take orders until November 20th.

If you find that this is something that will help you through your journey of grief, please email us at with your baby's name and birthday.  You may send your donation via PayPal  Ornaments will be available for pick up at our November 22nd support meeting between 7:30 and 9 at Jordan Valley Hospital.

Although it is loss that binds us, it is LOVE and LIGHT that keeps us moving forward and supporting one another. May we all find peace as we approach this beautiful time of year.  

We invite you to view our 
Love Lights the Way 
tree at this years Festival of Trees 
benefiting Primary Children's Medical Center 
Wednesday, November 30 through Saturday, December 3
10 AM to 10 PM daily 
at the South Towne Expo Center 
located at 9575 South State Street, Sandy, Utah.  
More details can be found at: Festival of Trees